Is Love Supposed To Be This Way?
by I am Katniss Everdeen
Summary: Hermione Weasley nee Granger, is fed up with the half-existence that she calls life. She's in an awful marriage with Ronald Weasley, who never loved her, so she decides to pay a last visit to her professor. My time has come, and so I'm gone. To a better place, far beyond. I love you all as you can see. But it's better now, because I'm free. Dark, Suicide, some Language


Hermione Granger always assumed she'd go into a career involving Charms or maybe Transfigurations. Or possibly even potions. What she didn't expect was that she'd be giving birth to twins at the age of twenty-one. What she didn't expect was that she'd be forced into marrying Ronald Bilius Weasley because he was the one to get her pregnant. What she didn't expect was that she'd have to move into a small shack, give up her dreams and ambitions to become a housewife, cooking and cleaning all the day. What she didn't expect was to be in a love-less marriage, where the husband only really gave a shit about getting her pregnant with more children. There were five children now. She'd just given birth to one little boy. They named him Arthur. All of the children's names were picked by Ronald. Hermione never had any say in it all.

Was this what love was supposed to be like? Was it supposed to be full of hatred and hopelessness? Hermione didn't even know anymore. She always expected that she'd be married to Ronald after getting a degree in Charms. Then they'd have one child and she'd go back for another degree. She never thought she'd end up thirty pounds underweight, because they couldn't afford for "the housewife" to eat, therefore taking nutrition away from Ronald, who made the galleons for the family, because he worked at the Joke Shop; taking nutrition away from Ronnie and Robbie because they were growing teenagers at Hogwarts; taking nutrition away from Rose Ginevra because she was an adolescent, and she needed it; taking nutrition away from Harry Albus and the new-born, Arthur because they were young and young children needed to eat.

When the three oldest were away at Hogwarts, Ronald would spend money that they didn't even have on alcohol, leaving Hermione starving, and ill. He didn't even care. She never thought she could ever be filled with such hatred towards someone she thought she loved. However, life changes you. Marriage changes you. Hatred changes you.

* * *

She walked up to Hogwarts, taking in a deep breath and sighing. If only. She walked in, politely greeting Minerva and making her way to the dungeons, trying to ignore the Headmistress's complaints of how thin she was. There were no students there. At least, not in Slytherin, as it was Winter break, and most were home with their parents. Hermione quickly found what she was looking for; the portrait of Severus Snape. She always hated herself because she felt responsible for his death. She thought that she could've saved him, when in all reality, she probably would've been found and murdered. Or worse.

"What do you want, Mrs Weasley? Finally grown tired of your ginger husband?" Her old professor sneered at her. She merely ducked her head and nodded her head with resignation.

"Well sir, I've come to talk with you." She told him. Snape scoffed at her.

"If you need help with your petty girl problems, you can leave right now, Mrs Weasley." Hermione simply looked at him and said,

"Trust me, sir. I'm not having petty girl problems. I just…. I just needed someone to talk to." Her professor's portrait crossed his arms and said,

"Fine. Talk." She took a deep breath and began.

"You know sir, I always thought that love was supposed to be happy. Happy and warm and gentle. What was love like for you, sir?" She asked him. Snape glared at her and angrily spoke,

"I don't believe that that is any of your business, Mrs Weasley."

"Please. Do not call me that." She told him, not showing any emotion in her voice. It was as if a Dementor had sucked the entire life out of her. Snape didn't like that one bit. He actually, somewhat, somehow _missed_ the former Gryffindor Princess. Now, she was just like a cold, unfeeling, Slytherin. It was bad. Really bad to see this- this woman of only thirty- five years looking so awful. It looked as if she hadn't slept properly in years. Her once tan complexion was now pallid, such as his, and her eyes… her eyes were dull. Unresponsive. As if all the life previously inside of her was gone. There was no spark like there used to be. Nothing.

"Why not, Miss Granger?" Snape inquired her. Hermione stared into his painted eyes.

"Because I no longer consider myself a Weasley." Her voice was hard. Unfeeling. Stone-like.

"Why don't you consider yourself a Weasley, any longer?" He was truly appalled. Everyone made it out to seem like Hermione and Ronald were the perfect, happy couple. Obviously not.

"What's with all of the questions?" She asked him. Her voice held fury. Ice-cold fury. This woman was nearly dead, Snape could tell. If she lost anymore weight, she would suffer from any sort of deficiency. He could tell that the day would be coming quite soon.

"Miss Granger, I am merely curious." He told her, his voice more gentler than he's ever had it for longer than the could even remember.

"You know, I used to be curious all the time. You always shot me down in the end." Hermione told him. She was like a Queen. A Queen of Ice. A Queen of Hatred.

"Miss Granger, I apologize. The only reason I ever did it was because I was jealous." He admitted to her.

"J-jealous?" She asked him. Disbelief threatening to show on her face.

"Yes, I was jealous because you were brilliant. Just like I was, however, you actually had friends. I never did, and I envied you for that."

"Oh. Well, to answer your question, I no longer consider myself a Weasley because I was married into the name. To me, marriage should hold love. Mine never did. I was only considered his fuck buddy." Hermione's words were bitter, but she knew that they were also true. Snape stared at her, with solemnness reflecting in his eyes.

"Miss Granger, I'm sorry." She lifted her head up to look at him.

"For what? You never did anything to make me into this thing that I am today." She told him.

"No, but I am sorry that your marriage had to go so terribly wrong. You deserved more. Have you even gone to get a degree?"

"No."

"Have you gotten a job?"

"No."

"Have you done anything other than be a housewife?" He asked her, sadness ringing in his voice. Hermione's cool exterior threatened to falter as she choked out,

"No."

"Damn it, witch! What have you done to yourself?" Snape nearly shouted. He was furious. Furious with Ronald Weasley for not paying any attention to his wife, not loving her, not even bloody making sure she ate. He probably didn't pay enough attention. He was furious with the witch in front of him for wasting her career, her brilliance, her life, her body away. But, for the most part, furious with himself. He knew that he could have been proven innocent. He would've gone back to teaching, and he could have asked her to be his apprentice. If only he tried hard enough to stay alive, yet he was much too concerned with his own problems, thinking no one cared enough about him to miss him, and not thinking about the fact that someone might need him, to try to live. But it's now much too late.

"I'm disappointed with you, Miss Granger. You had so much potential, but now it's all been wasted on that undeserving husband of yours." Snape was furious, but he managed to keep composure.

"Say what you'd like. I don't really care anymore. It's not as if I have any reason to live, so what's the use?" She asked him. He gazed at her with sadness, now. Why would this witch assume that there was nothing left for her in this world.

"Miss Granger, you could at least go, get a job as an apprentice. Maybe even here. I know that Filius Flitwick is looking for an apprentice. Why not go to him?" Snape asked her. Hermione just looked at him with sadness written upon her face, lingering in her eyes.

"Because, sir. I have children and a husband. Therefore, I've decided to take the only logical way out." He was confused. What was more logical than getting a job? Then he saw what she pulled out of her robe pockets. He tensed with fear coursing through him like ice-cold sludge pumping through his veins. The horror hit him as the realization of what she came here to do dawned on him.

"Miss Granger. Miss Granger, put that down. Miss Granger! Granger! Don't drink that!" He yelled at her, trying as best as he could to get out of the painting, but painting's were paintings. Only a wizard or witch's life force was in there. There wasn't a body, so therefore, he couldn't get out. He watched in horror as Hermione lifted the small vial to her lips. Snape would have recognized the potion anywhere. It was Aconite. From the monkshood plant, mixed in with a lethal dose of Hemlock. The young woman would be dead within ten minutes, at most. The least? Instantaneously.

"Professor?" Her voice rang out, weak and timid.

"Call me Severus, it's not like you have much time left anyways." He told her acrimoniously.

"Severus, one time, someone asked me who I envied." Snape thought this odd for her last words, but he told her to go on anyways. "I didn't want to tell them but they were adamant at knowing, so I told them. Truthfully, of course."

"What did you tell them, Miss Granger?" He asked gently.

"Call me Hermione. Please. It's been forever since anyone's called me that." She whispered. "I told them that I was envious of Ginny and Harry, because they were in a happy relationship. They asked me if it was anyone else. I went quiet, but I finally said what I've known forever. I was jealous of Lily. Harry's mother." Snape was extremely confused now.

"Why were you jealous of Lily? Hermione, you never even knew her." She gave him a gentle smile, laying her head down on the desk. "Hermione? Hermione?"

"I'm here, Severus. It's going to take roughly five more minutes for me to die." Severus felt angry at her. She shouldn't be talking about how long she has left to live!

"Well, why were you jealous?" Hermione sighed and lifted her head, using most of her strength.

"Because. She was able to get to know you. I never was." Severus looked at her in shock.

"What?" He whispered. He couldn't believe this. No one had ever even wanted to be around him, much less get to know him.

"You're confused. I wanted to get to know you because you fascinate me. You make me happy, even when I'm being insulted by you, because I'm still able to be around you. I only wish I was able to go back to the Shrieking Shack and rescue you. But it doesn't matter now. I suppose I'll be seeing you sooner than everybody else ever thought." She gave a cynical laugh and pulled out a piece of parchment.

"What's that?" Severus asked her.

"My suicide note. I needed everyone to know why it was that I did this." She whispered, before closing her eyes and taking her last breaths. While she did, Severus took the liberty to look at the note. It said,

_To whomever it may possibly concern, if you've found this note, I'm dead. Finally at peace, since I haven't had it since I got pregnant with Ronald Weasley's spawns. Don't bother trying to revive me. It's impossible to cure the poison I've taken. I should know. Tell Ronald that I hope he's happy now. He doesn't have to deal with a witch that he doesn't love. Tell my children that I do care for them, I just hate their father. We were in near poverty, but I didn't care. I just wanted someone to love me. _

_Now I'm going to be with someone else. Someone I care about. Ronald, that was never you. Not truly. I know you never even loved me. You made it impossible for me to pursue my dreams by impregnating me. After using me again the same way, you never allowed me to eat, even when the other children were at Hogwarts, because you spent it all of the money that we had and even money we didn't have on alcohol. I always thought love would be great. Now I've come to realize that, with you, love was never there. All it was was coldness, hatred, and betrayal. Yes, I knew about the many affairs you had with everyone behind my back; I'm not stupid. So you can marry one of the ones that aren't married already and treat them the same way you treated me. Like dirt. Like a plaything. Like a bloody dog._

_If you find this, Minerva, do you think I would be allowed to be with Severus Snape's portrait? I- I care for him. He's an amazing man, who never deserved to die. And, to everyone else, have a nice life. I know I sure didn't._

_Hermione GRANGER_

Severus felt a tear roll down his cheek as he left to find Hermione and welcome her to this new existence. Perhaps they'd be able to start a life with each other. Maybe he'd be able to teach her that not all love is hatred. Maybe he'd be able to find love himself. Only time would tell. And they had all the time in the world.


End file.
